Need to talk privately with Cilan? Send him a message via the crystal or carrier pigeon? Want to meet with him without posting a log for it? Here's the place to do it!
The three of you are so close! I've never seen a family like you guys before! [ The Oak family was cool, but this was on a different level. ] Are they as passionate about being expert at everything like you too? It has to get intense in the kitchen if you guys go head to head in cooking!
[ Three Cilan-like connoisseurs with different personalities competing against each other?? Sell tickets to that. ]
[Ah, well...] I'm the only one out of the three of us who chose to pursue a career as a Pokemon Connoisseur, but the two of them certainly have their own things that they're passionate about as well.
...However, I will say that it does get pretty competitive when we're working together in the kitchen sometimes. Chili in particular likes to insist that we should turn the heat up to make things more exciting, even against better judgement occasionally...
[But thank goodness Chili eased up on that over the years, otherwise there would have been so many more kitchen fires to attend to...]
Yes, thankfully. [Ahaha] But, I can't say that I completely disagree with him, in that it does make things more interesting. And like I said before, that fieriness is part of Chili's inherent flavor, so I think it's only natural that he would want to do things that way. And then there's Cress, who I would say is more meticulous and likes to take his time with it... but that's also a good thing too, especially when it comes to his presentation of a particular dish or two.
So, even when we do compete with one another, it's always fun getting to taste and compare each other's work afterwards.
[It's almost a shame they aren't here with us: he'd be curious to see if the taste of their food would change at all thanks to how emotions can affect one's cooking sometimes.]
[ It's what Red thinks--that it's a shame they're not here, his gaze going down to their faces on the surface of the petal and their presence in Cilan's words. It must be a little sad too to think about. Would a picture really be a happy reminder? ... ]
A picture's never gonna compare to memories like that... but I hope you think about all the good times like that with them when you see it!
[ Are we turning like a trainer on a mission--yes we are. ]
Let's go and leave these at the framers right now! We can pick a frame at the same time, then it'll be ready even quicker!
[ Of course, the boy isn't about to run off and leave Cilan behind, looking and waiting for him to come. We're gonna do this, this is going to be the best picture with the best memories, Cilan can pick whatever he likes for a frame and Red will get a day to come back in for a quote. ]
[As Red speaks, there's one more memory petal that falls down, and Cilan holds his hands open to allow it to join the others--this one is very short and quick, just a glimpse of what appears to be some kind of handshake going on between Cilan and his brothers, but upon seeing this, Cilan seems to recognize the memory and smiles, glowing brightly. (And maybe trying not to get misty-eyed here.)]
Yes, absolutely. I think this is going to turn out to be a lovely keepsake with a wonderfully sweet taste to it.
[Alright, so let's start heading back to the shop to give these to the painter there and get a frame picked out...!]
[ Thank arceus that the framer and the painter are related, and with Red having ordered before, the business doesn't take too long beyond Cilan choosing a frame from the samples around them -- which may take some time if Cilan wants to be absolutely sure, but the petals get sealed up in an envelope and to be discussed with the painter later. Good times.
Which leaves the rest of their gift shopping and ingredients for the cake, but the weight of the picture already in Red's hand seems to grow the more he remembers about it, trying to push it aside with the selection of shops and wares being sold to distract, and hey, what kind of cake is Cilan making?
But all those little thoughts stay despite how small he makes them, and there's an idea that wouldn't go. More than a idea, and probably something he should do. Enough, Red thinks, to say as the pair are walking: ]
Hey, Cilan... if I didn't go to the party, could you make sure Silver and White get their presents?
[ --ah. Actually, maybe that wasn't the best way to approach it, but... ]
[ He pinches in his bottom lip, regretting a little more bringing it up like this. ]
Well... [ a breath, and a hand goes on to the hat over his hair, which was forgotten in the gesture, so back down that hand uselessly goes. ]
There's someone there. [ ... ] There's going to be someone there, and we...it's better we don't see each other. ...I don't know what'll happen if we did.
[ They're definitely not walking now, and Red isn't about to look Cilan in the eye. ]
Really? [Now Cilan is definitely concerned, frowning at that.] I'm sorry to hear that there's someone you're not on good terms with at the moment, but...
[...But, then he seems to change his mind on what he was originally going to say, and instead goes with--]
Who is this person, if you don't mind my asking?
[Maybe Cilan could try talking to them if he sees them...?]
[ He hesitates, and for good reason. Red knows he'll know who it is, but it's not that simple. Saying a name wouldn't explain anything.
One more sigh, his gaze going down between them before it finds Cilan, if only through the words that come. ]
I'll tell you, but not here. Not outside. [ And he's shoving that frame away into the one of the bags he has as the air begins to lose its chill around him, gaining a slight weight, removing the straps out of his palm to let sit on his wrist, just in case his emotions was going to cost him another shopping problem. ]
Ah... alright. [Cilan seems to understand that this must be a serious thing to talk about, so he'll allow Red to lead wherever he wants that he would be more comfortable going to talk.
However, he will add this--]
You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to, okay? If it makes you uncomfortable talking about it, then I'll understand.
[Sure, he'll be worried wondering who is at this party that would make Red not want to be there, but he also doesn't want Red to feel like he's being pressured into talking here.]
[ Even if the last time he thought he knew what was the right thing to do when it came to truths had led to an outcome he still wasn't certain if was wrong or right, it seemed much better to say than to let it be kept a secret. Better sooner than finding out later when the end result would just be the same.
At least he could control this, and had the opportunity to say with it what he wanted to say.
Cilan's place would be good enough, or even Red's; either of them had shopping from the trip and the apartment spaces had the privacy Red wanted. It gave them a place to put down anything they held, one of the first things Red was sure to do, and Cilan could stand or be seated as he would like, while Red kept to his feet.
He gives them both a small time to settle, but he doesn't wait for long. If there's a way to prepare for this talk, he doesn't know what it is--just as long as neither of them have anything in their hands, Red begins it with a question that seems the best place to start: ]
Do you know who attacked Silver and me when Sosyne came?
[ It's asked with him facing the other, but still refusing to keep his gaze on him at all. ]
[They most likely ended up at Red's place--even though Trip isn't staying at Cilan's place anymore, Red's place is still more likely to allow as much privacy as the other wants.
...And at the mention of what happened with Sosyne, Cilan is indeed thankful that he chose to sit down for this particular conversation.]
No. They... they were leaving by the time I found the two of you.
[And that is something that he is not going to be happy thinking about, wondering if maybe he had headed in Silver and Red's direction five minutes sooner, maybe he could have done something to help them...
...He's also not going to be happy hearing what Red is going to say next, but that's to be expected, really. He'll just have to try to stay as calm as humanely possible here...]
[ Red doesn't care either for the risk of ruined furniture in the form of emotional marks. Maybe later if he were to be more thoughtful for whoever might have the room one day in the future, but that was an awareness Red didn't own.
But there was a bubble of air he did have, lodged in his throat. This is the part where he was meant to continue on talking--quicker than the doubt crawling over his skin, the slow increase of his breath that isn't anything alarming yet, but still concerns him in this world where feeling meant everything. His fingers curl in his pockets and then relax, just to have something for them to do, while his mind refused to weave together words and his voice, too, apparently didn't want to say.
And yet the words come, once forced out of him. ]
We met up some point during the fight. Silver and me. [ It's taking a step back, but whatever works. ] We were doing what we could to stop some of the fighting, and that's when we saw them. They were already out of control by then, going after people still stuck in the city. The best we could do was make them come after us--they jumped up on the rooftops, away from everybody else.
[ Somewhere during it, he's found a section of the inner walls to focus on, the outline of a small side table in a dark colour to his left and a blotch of a plain white wall messing with his eyes, the skirting board just within sight down below. ]
Silver tried to use Gyarados's strength on them-- a hydro pump. It was strong, but-- ...It didn't matter. It didn't work. [ His hands hung from his sides now, his voice near monotonous. ] He went after them after that, and...
...They fell.
[ 'And that was that'.
He might as well have said that too. It sounded weak as it was, disrespectful on the other trainer and his pokémon-- but even with how he hates the words, say something else that made it sound like that wasn't all ('they did everything they could, Silver did his best-') all Red can do is swallow down hard against a drying throat.
It wasn't even the end. ]
I snapped. [ The words come out softly, and they continue to fight between that and something stronger and neutral. ] I went after them with Charizard, and we fought. I thought they killed the both of them. [ ... ] I wanted them to pay.
[ He wanted them to suffer.
He remembers. And that's something he doesn't want to do, but there was no avoiding it forever. Red starts to continue on despite the day growing ever closer in him, a rosy colour now on his cheeks and a tickling along his bottom lids, but his voice catches on his own breath and he stops, and that faraway gaze breaks with reality coming too near, shaking his head, and talking in the air despite the heaviness surrounding him. ]
[As Cilan listens to all of this, Red may or may not notice that there's a cold, damp sort of temperature in the air, like the prelude to a potential rainfall, or perhaps even threatening the arrival of a storm. Cilan can't say that he doesn't understand how Red had felt--just hearing what they did makes him angry enough to think that they should pay for what they had done too...
But, hearing the break in Red's voice causes the anger to ebb, just a little. Red... there's something to admire about the fact that he's trying so hard to talk about this with us, despite how painful the memory of those events are. Something about that seems to be what allows Cilan to stay calm as he nods at Red's request.
[ It's more than a second. Nearly a minute, because he can't find the right signals that tells him he isn't going to choke harder. But he finds something, fists clenched once again and a new nowhere to look at, the threat looming there in the background, but better than nothing. ]
I'm telling you this... because the whole time, I didn't stop. Not until the end. [ An end he finds he doesn't want to reach, his voice picking up, trying to ignore the closer it comes. ] If I tell you, I want you to know what that's like... and if he means really someone to Silver, what that must've been like for him.
[ Red can only guess--and it was all only guesses in the end, assumptions; maybe they weren't close at all, and Silver had been able to more easily accept what happened and get through it, perhaps even help the man do the same too. It was a possibility that Red had thought of, felt it twist his insides with a foul emotion, and hated himself for feeling it at all.
But there was no way he wouldn't know it was him. That much had to be certain.
It takes another moment though, just to appease the growing welling in his lungs, more there that he had wanted to say but knowing he won't be able to get through it all. He shifts his feet, the fabrics of the rug under them sticking to the bottom of his shoes from the heat, sighs lightly once and then more heavily the second time, before that seems to grant him a shaking voice to work with: ]
Ludger, from the Hearth. He's one of the cooks.
[ ...and maybe standing away from most of the furniture had been a good idea, but it doesn't help the piece still beneath him, the fabric darkening to a black and spreading like catching a fuel to ignite it without a visible flame, bringing the strong smell of melting plastic in the air. It gets him to cough, a hand going up to his mouth and staying there despite a foot nearly stepping back. He can't, he has to calm down first-- ]
What. [There's a very noticeable edge at that, a crackling noise in the air. There aren't any dark clouds forming inside of Red's house, perhaps only due to the small voice of reason in the back of his mind that says "don't you dare start causing a rainstorm in Red's house" that serves as an emotional wedge holding him back, but there certainly is an angry spike in temperature here.
Cilan doesn't personally know Ludger, hell the only time they ever really talk to each other is just occasionally exchanging quick pleasantries at the restaurant, but... Cilan knows that he's someone important to Silver. He's seen the two of them talk and interact with one another, knows that Silver lives together with him and Milla...
... Silver's still living with the person that killed Red and two Pokemon, including one of his own.]
Does... does Silver know this? [If he really means something to Silver, what that must've been like for him--Silver probably does already know too, doesn't he? And yet... why...
But then Cilan looks down and finally notices the potential threat of fire here, as he then jolts out of the chair he's sitting in.]
Red? Hey... [There's a slight second of hesitation, but he reaches out to try to place a calming hand on Red's shoulder. His hands are too warm to get the effect that he normally tries to have when doing this sort of thing here, but hopefully he can still get the sentiment across--breathe, it's going to be okay...]
[ There was the potential of emotions in the air, and it was another reason for Red to keep looking away before, just to keep himself from being dragged into more than he already couldn't handle. He should've heard the footsteps coming, but it's the touch that lets Red know that Cilan's there, one that makes him flinch at his shoulders, but he doesn't pull away or reject him. Just breathe, and count.
He knows there's no way to give an answer through this mouth like this (and he wants to, because it matters)--and so there's a small hum for Cilan in his mind, a connection hurried to start and end, with a tone unsteady even when it was in their thoughts. ]
Alvin told me. He has to know.
[ All the reasons he stopped helping out at the restaurant when they needed it.
And Alvin had been so adamant about telling him, so why wouldn't he be the same with Silver? And how could've Alvin found out but from one of the two, him or Ludger. There was a lot that still stung about that day, and still continued to sting after Sosyne's raged, and some part of him dug out bitter reminder of the hate he had carried out against Alvin, the way the man couldn't have just listened to him--but he refuses to focus on it, to latch on and make the damage even worse. The edges of the carpet continued to be chewed on, albeit slowly than it could, and his breaths stayed harsh and shaky, his hand slipping up to cover his face.
But why did he have to be like this, his mind whispers to itself. Why was he this weak. ]
[If Cilan had been able to hear that "weak" comment being made, he'd argue against it, because Red is not weak in any sense of the word in Cilan's opinion.
However, there's a bit of a pause before he carefully moves a hand from Red's shoulder to the other one so that his arm goes around Red, offering a sort of one-armed hug. He can't say that "it's okay" because, well, it's really not. But...]
It's going to be okay. [It's going to be okay, someday. This will pass.] I'm... sorry, for not being able to change what has already happened, but we're here to help in any way we can. And I'm sure your Pokemon feel the same way as well, so... you don't have to deal with this alone, okay?
[We should probably try saying more, something that will keep the carpet from continuing to burn (or his own dark wisps of anger and grief from forming clouds), but... to be fair, trying to help someone cope with their own death after having come back to life from it isn't exactly something that was taught and added to his data as a Pokemon Connoisseur. The best he can do is just try to be there for his friend like this.]
[ Beyond the shudders of his body from the simple motion of breathing, Red doesn't move. He doesn't reject the embrace, but in this position doesn't know what to do. To be pitied though, it wasn't what he had wanted in this, but he knows at the same time he shouldn't let his mind think about it that way.
He just wishes some things were different, that he didn't have to be standing here making this scene in the first place. But there was nothing that could be done about that, except what he could do now, voice breaking through his breath: ]
I know. [ It's about all he can muster out, and dares to go for with his own mouth, returning after to the amulet. ] You're all great-- you're my friends, and that's all I need.
[ There's a short pause, just to gather himself a little more to continue. ]
I need some time to calm down...but I don't want to end it like this. Can we pick this up later? Tonight, outside... I'll be fine.
[ A small assurance for Cilan's benefit. The carpet might not survive, and who knew what it looked like underneath, but it was something he'd rather deal with personally than with a witness. ]
[Well if Red was to call it "pity" that Cilan was offering here, he might actually be offended by that--it's definitely not the word that should be used to describe this taste, but at the request, Cilan nods and pulls away, giving Red some space again.]
Okay... take as much time as you need, alright?
[He does sort of hesitate momentarily though, like he's not sure if he really should be just leaving you alone like this. However, he seems to come to some sort of decision and steps outside, leaving Red on his own. He doesn't get very far from the house right away though once the door's closed behind him, soon just standing out there, looking up above at the dark clouds now forming a more solid shape.
Is this really the best he can do here? He's supposed to be a Connoisseur, a Gym Leader, he should turn around and go back inside to give some kind of rousing speech or something, but... all he can think about is how much he wants to go find Ludger to yell at him a bit and maybe even, gasp, punch him, but as much as he would like to do that, he knows he won't do any such thing because that wouldn't be the proper thing to do here. Not when there's a voice of reason in mind pointing out that everyone was kind of having a bad time when Sosyne showed up, for all we know Ludger wasn't in his right mind and didn't intend to do what he did, but... it doesn't really make him feel any less angry and unhappy that someone had to suffer the consequences of that, and it had to be two of our close friends here who didn't deserve what happened to them and--
--and good thing he wasn't inside Red's house anymore and walked some amount of feet away from it, though Red might still be able to suddenly hear a very loud cracking of noise somewhere outside, followed by some very hurried footsteps and a muffled, hasty apology tossed to some random passerby. He also might be calling out Stunfisk to "do something about that fire" and I'm not saying that Cilan might have caused lightning to strike something after leaving your place, but... yeah okay that is exactly what I'm saying here.]
[ Gosh dangit, Cilan. Lightning is not in this season.
Red might not miss the sound, but all that comes is a pang of guilt that furthers the mess being made in his apartment than a desire to investigate, or the thought that he could do in the first place; that was something he was going to have to deal with later, both Cilan and the damage within the living space. But for the time being, and for plenty of time after that, he could only stay in place, slipping down amongst the waste of a mat still slowly burning and a flooring hot with the heat that darkens it.
It was just lucky enough that nothing broke underneath him, but it didn't look safe once he finally moved, at a time when his arms felt limp and useless but his legs stiff at the joints. His mind was foggy after that, listless after too much going through it, only the idea of leaving the apartment for a while coming because he knew it was something he had to do, pokéballs rattling upon his approach--all except Mewtwo's--to clip them back, and their energies high to make up for what he lacked, with Gengar extra boisterous, and Jolteon more needy for attention and knocking at his knee and hand.
He found it in himself to smile, as much of a tired thing it was, but found as well to remind himself of something important too: That it was going to get better, in time.
It had to.
Later on, once the day wasn't too late by the clock but the sky was dark and the lamps were all that gave the pathways visibility, Red sends Cilan a simple message to meet by the Tree of Memories, better spoken than his previous attempts during their last meeting, but keeping it brief (and if Cilan would ask after his wellbeing, it would be a short reassurance, but not insincere). Moving it to another day and place would be fine, just as long as it stayed outside and private, which the tree usually was by that time.
Red would meet him there, here, or anywhere--likely in a coat, hands empty, with his eyes on either the distance or on the tree, or anything to put his attention on while he waited for the connoisseur to arrive. ]
[When Cilan arrives, he offers a small wave in greeting before he ends up turning his gaze to glance at whatever it was that Red had been focusing on while waiting for us--the tree, he assumes, because well, who can be blamed for not looking at it?]
...You know, I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed every time I look up at this tree--even the giant tree of Pinwheel Forest may have some competition when it comes to judging which tree has the best taste to it.
[It's light conversation that seems to exist simply for the sake of saying something rather than just having a void of silence until Red's ready to talk, but... well, it's true. Whether or not you like the aspect of having a tree that can show your memories, it can't be denied that it is a sight of curiosity worth paying attention to it.]
[ There'd be no reason for Cilan to wait this time, Red much calmer than he had been before when they'd parted, but he looks back to the tree from looking to Cilan, and how his gaze can't see the full of it in its splendour. ]
Sometimes, I wonder if there's a reason it exist. There's no other tree like it on the island [ none that he's seen, nor any that he's heard of ] and it showed up out of nowhere.
...but you know, there's so much you get to see again because of the petals. There's things you never forget, but when you watch it on a petal- [ he looks to Cilan now, a smile on his face, hands held in front of him for a moment like holding something in them ] -it's like being there again. You can't get that anywhere else.
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The three of you are so close! I've never seen a family like you guys before! [ The Oak family was cool, but this was on a different level. ] Are they as passionate about being expert at everything like you too? It has to get intense in the kitchen if you guys go head to head in cooking!
[ Three Cilan-like connoisseurs with different personalities competing against each other?? Sell tickets to that. ]
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...However, I will say that it does get pretty competitive when we're working together in the kitchen sometimes. Chili in particular likes to insist that we should turn the heat up to make things more exciting, even against better judgement occasionally...
[But thank goodness Chili eased up on that over the years, otherwise there would have been so many more kitchen fires to attend to...]
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So, even when we do compete with one another, it's always fun getting to taste and compare each other's work afterwards.
[It's almost a shame they aren't here with us: he'd be curious to see if the taste of their food would change at all thanks to how emotions can affect one's cooking sometimes.]
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A picture's never gonna compare to memories like that... but I hope you think about all the good times like that with them when you see it!
[ Are we turning like a trainer on a mission--yes we are. ]
Let's go and leave these at the framers right now! We can pick a frame at the same time, then it'll be ready even quicker!
[ Of course, the boy isn't about to run off and leave Cilan behind, looking and waiting for him to come. We're gonna do this, this is going to be the best picture with the best memories, Cilan can pick whatever he likes for a frame and Red will get a day to come back in for a quote. ]
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Yes, absolutely. I think this is going to turn out to be a lovely keepsake with a wonderfully sweet taste to it.
[Alright, so let's start heading back to the shop to give these to the painter there and get a frame picked out...!]
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Which leaves the rest of their gift shopping and ingredients for the cake, but the weight of the picture already in Red's hand seems to grow the more he remembers about it, trying to push it aside with the selection of shops and wares being sold to distract, and hey, what kind of cake is Cilan making?
But all those little thoughts stay despite how small he makes them, and there's an idea that wouldn't go. More than a idea, and probably something he should do. Enough, Red thinks, to say as the pair are walking: ]
Hey, Cilan... if I didn't go to the party, could you make sure Silver and White get their presents?
[ --ah. Actually, maybe that wasn't the best way to approach it, but... ]
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I could do that, but... why wouldn't you be attending the party?
[Did Red have something he needed to do, or...]
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Well... [ a breath, and a hand goes on to the hat over his hair, which was forgotten in the gesture, so back down that hand uselessly goes. ]
There's someone there. [ ... ] There's going to be someone there, and we...it's better we don't see each other. ...I don't know what'll happen if we did.
[ They're definitely not walking now, and Red isn't about to look Cilan in the eye. ]
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[...But, then he seems to change his mind on what he was originally going to say, and instead goes with--]
Who is this person, if you don't mind my asking?
[Maybe Cilan could try talking to them if he sees them...?]
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One more sigh, his gaze going down between them before it finds Cilan, if only through the words that come. ]
I'll tell you, but not here. Not outside. [ And he's shoving that frame away into the one of the bags he has as the air begins to lose its chill around him, gaining a slight weight, removing the straps out of his palm to let sit on his wrist, just in case his emotions was going to cost him another shopping problem. ]
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However, he will add this--]
You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to, okay? If it makes you uncomfortable talking about it, then I'll understand.
[Sure, he'll be worried wondering who is at this party that would make Red not want to be there, but he also doesn't want Red to feel like he's being pressured into talking here.]
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[ Even if the last time he thought he knew what was the right thing to do when it came to truths had led to an outcome he still wasn't certain if was wrong or right, it seemed much better to say than to let it be kept a secret. Better sooner than finding out later when the end result would just be the same.
At least he could control this, and had the opportunity to say with it what he wanted to say.
Cilan's place would be good enough, or even Red's; either of them had shopping from the trip and the apartment spaces had the privacy Red wanted. It gave them a place to put down anything they held, one of the first things Red was sure to do, and Cilan could stand or be seated as he would like, while Red kept to his feet.
He gives them both a small time to settle, but he doesn't wait for long. If there's a way to prepare for this talk, he doesn't know what it is--just as long as neither of them have anything in their hands, Red begins it with a question that seems the best place to start: ]
Do you know who attacked Silver and me when Sosyne came?
[ It's asked with him facing the other, but still refusing to keep his gaze on him at all. ]
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...And at the mention of what happened with Sosyne, Cilan is indeed thankful that he chose to sit down for this particular conversation.]
No. They... they were leaving by the time I found the two of you.
[And that is something that he is not going to be happy thinking about, wondering if maybe he had headed in Silver and Red's direction five minutes sooner, maybe he could have done something to help them...
...He's also not going to be happy hearing what Red is going to say next, but that's to be expected, really. He'll just have to try to stay as calm as humanely possible here...]
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But there was a bubble of air he did have, lodged in his throat. This is the part where he was meant to continue on talking--quicker than the doubt crawling over his skin, the slow increase of his breath that isn't anything alarming yet, but still concerns him in this world where feeling meant everything. His fingers curl in his pockets and then relax, just to have something for them to do, while his mind refused to weave together words and his voice, too, apparently didn't want to say.
And yet the words come, once forced out of him. ]
We met up some point during the fight. Silver and me. [ It's taking a step back, but whatever works. ] We were doing what we could to stop some of the fighting, and that's when we saw them. They were already out of control by then, going after people still stuck in the city. The best we could do was make them come after us--they jumped up on the rooftops, away from everybody else.
[ Somewhere during it, he's found a section of the inner walls to focus on, the outline of a small side table in a dark colour to his left and a blotch of a plain white wall messing with his eyes, the skirting board just within sight down below. ]
Silver tried to use Gyarados's strength on them-- a hydro pump. It was strong, but-- ...It didn't matter. It didn't work. [ His hands hung from his sides now, his voice near monotonous. ] He went after them after that, and...
...They fell.
[ 'And that was that'.
He might as well have said that too. It sounded weak as it was, disrespectful on the other trainer and his pokémon-- but even with how he hates the words, say something else that made it sound like that wasn't all ('they did everything they could, Silver did his best-') all Red can do is swallow down hard against a drying throat.
It wasn't even the end. ]
I snapped. [ The words come out softly, and they continue to fight between that and something stronger and neutral. ] I went after them with Charizard, and we fought. I thought they killed the both of them. [ ... ] I wanted them to pay.
[ He wanted them to suffer.
He remembers. And that's something he doesn't want to do, but there was no avoiding it forever. Red starts to continue on despite the day growing ever closer in him, a rosy colour now on his cheeks and a tickling along his bottom lids, but his voice catches on his own breath and he stops, and that faraway gaze breaks with reality coming too near, shaking his head, and talking in the air despite the heaviness surrounding him. ]
--A second. Just give me a second...
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But, hearing the break in Red's voice causes the anger to ebb, just a little. Red... there's something to admire about the fact that he's trying so hard to talk about this with us, despite how painful the memory of those events are. Something about that seems to be what allows Cilan to stay calm as he nods at Red's request.
Take as much time as you need, Red.]
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I'm telling you this... because the whole time, I didn't stop. Not until the end. [ An end he finds he doesn't want to reach, his voice picking up, trying to ignore the closer it comes. ] If I tell you, I want you to know what that's like... and if he means really someone to Silver, what that must've been like for him.
[ Red can only guess--and it was all only guesses in the end, assumptions; maybe they weren't close at all, and Silver had been able to more easily accept what happened and get through it, perhaps even help the man do the same too. It was a possibility that Red had thought of, felt it twist his insides with a foul emotion, and hated himself for feeling it at all.
But there was no way he wouldn't know it was him. That much had to be certain.
It takes another moment though, just to appease the growing welling in his lungs, more there that he had wanted to say but knowing he won't be able to get through it all. He shifts his feet, the fabrics of the rug under them sticking to the bottom of his shoes from the heat, sighs lightly once and then more heavily the second time, before that seems to grant him a shaking voice to work with: ]
Ludger, from the Hearth. He's one of the cooks.
[ ...and maybe standing away from most of the furniture had been a good idea, but it doesn't help the piece still beneath him, the fabric darkening to a black and spreading like catching a fuel to ignite it without a visible flame, bringing the strong smell of melting plastic in the air. It gets him to cough, a hand going up to his mouth and staying there despite a foot nearly stepping back. He can't, he has to calm down first-- ]
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Cilan doesn't personally know Ludger, hell the only time they ever really talk to each other is just occasionally exchanging quick pleasantries at the restaurant, but... Cilan knows that he's someone important to Silver. He's seen the two of them talk and interact with one another, knows that Silver lives together with him and Milla...
... Silver's still living with the person that killed Red and two Pokemon, including one of his own.]
Does... does Silver know this? [If he really means something to Silver, what that must've been like for him--Silver probably does already know too, doesn't he? And yet... why...
But then Cilan looks down and finally notices the potential threat of fire here, as he then jolts out of the chair he's sitting in.]
Red? Hey... [There's a slight second of hesitation, but he reaches out to try to place a calming hand on Red's shoulder. His hands are too warm to get the effect that he normally tries to have when doing this sort of thing here, but hopefully he can still get the sentiment across--breathe, it's going to be okay...]
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He knows there's no way to give an answer through this mouth like this (and he wants to, because it matters)--and so there's a small hum for Cilan in his mind, a connection hurried to start and end, with a tone unsteady even when it was in their thoughts. ]
Alvin told me. He has to know.
[ All the reasons he stopped helping out at the restaurant when they needed it.
And Alvin had been so adamant about telling him, so why wouldn't he be the same with Silver? And how could've Alvin found out but from one of the two, him or Ludger. There was a lot that still stung about that day, and still continued to sting after Sosyne's raged, and some part of him dug out bitter reminder of the hate he had carried out against Alvin, the way the man couldn't have just listened to him--but he refuses to focus on it, to latch on and make the damage even worse. The edges of the carpet continued to be chewed on, albeit slowly than it could, and his breaths stayed harsh and shaky, his hand slipping up to cover his face.
But why did he have to be like this, his mind whispers to itself. Why was he this weak. ]
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However, there's a bit of a pause before he carefully moves a hand from Red's shoulder to the other one so that his arm goes around Red, offering a sort of one-armed hug. He can't say that "it's okay" because, well, it's really not. But...]
It's going to be okay. [It's going to be okay, someday. This will pass.] I'm... sorry, for not being able to change what has already happened, but we're here to help in any way we can. And I'm sure your Pokemon feel the same way as well, so... you don't have to deal with this alone, okay?
[We should probably try saying more, something that will keep the carpet from continuing to burn (or his own dark wisps of anger and grief from forming clouds), but... to be fair, trying to help someone cope with their own death after having come back to life from it isn't exactly something that was taught and added to his data as a Pokemon Connoisseur. The best he can do is just try to be there for his friend like this.]
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He just wishes some things were different, that he didn't have to be standing here making this scene in the first place. But there was nothing that could be done about that, except what he could do now, voice breaking through his breath: ]
I know. [ It's about all he can muster out, and dares to go for with his own mouth, returning after to the amulet. ] You're all great-- you're my friends, and that's all I need.
[ There's a short pause, just to gather himself a little more to continue. ]
I need some time to calm down...but I don't want to end it like this. Can we pick this up later? Tonight, outside... I'll be fine.
[ A small assurance for Cilan's benefit. The carpet might not survive, and who knew what it looked like underneath, but it was something he'd rather deal with personally than with a witness. ]
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Okay... take as much time as you need, alright?
[He does sort of hesitate momentarily though, like he's not sure if he really should be just leaving you alone like this. However, he seems to come to some sort of decision and steps outside, leaving Red on his own. He doesn't get very far from the house right away though once the door's closed behind him, soon just standing out there, looking up above at the dark clouds now forming a more solid shape.
Is this really the best he can do here? He's supposed to be a Connoisseur, a Gym Leader, he should turn around and go back inside to give some kind of rousing speech or something, but... all he can think about is how much he wants to go find Ludger to yell at him a bit and maybe even, gasp, punch him, but as much as he would like to do that, he knows he won't do any such thing because that wouldn't be the proper thing to do here. Not when there's a voice of reason in mind pointing out that everyone was kind of having a bad time when Sosyne showed up, for all we know Ludger wasn't in his right mind and didn't intend to do what he did, but... it doesn't really make him feel any less angry and unhappy that someone had to suffer the consequences of that, and it had to be two of our close friends here who didn't deserve what happened to them and--
--and good thing he wasn't inside Red's house anymore and walked some amount of feet away from it, though Red might still be able to suddenly hear a very loud cracking of noise somewhere outside, followed by some very hurried footsteps and a muffled, hasty apology tossed to some random passerby. He also might be calling out Stunfisk to "do something about that fire" and I'm not saying that Cilan might have caused lightning to strike something after leaving your place, but... yeah okay that is exactly what I'm saying here.]
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Red might not miss the sound, but all that comes is a pang of guilt that furthers the mess being made in his apartment than a desire to investigate, or the thought that he could do in the first place; that was something he was going to have to deal with later, both Cilan and the damage within the living space. But for the time being, and for plenty of time after that, he could only stay in place, slipping down amongst the waste of a mat still slowly burning and a flooring hot with the heat that darkens it.
It was just lucky enough that nothing broke underneath him, but it didn't look safe once he finally moved, at a time when his arms felt limp and useless but his legs stiff at the joints. His mind was foggy after that, listless after too much going through it, only the idea of leaving the apartment for a while coming because he knew it was something he had to do, pokéballs rattling upon his approach--all except Mewtwo's--to clip them back, and their energies high to make up for what he lacked, with Gengar extra boisterous, and Jolteon more needy for attention and knocking at his knee and hand.
He found it in himself to smile, as much of a tired thing it was, but found as well to remind himself of something important too: That it was going to get better, in time.
It had to.
Later on, once the day wasn't too late by the clock but the sky was dark and the lamps were all that gave the pathways visibility, Red sends Cilan a simple message to meet by the Tree of Memories, better spoken than his previous attempts during their last meeting, but keeping it brief (and if Cilan would ask after his wellbeing, it would be a short reassurance, but not insincere). Moving it to another day and place would be fine, just as long as it stayed outside and private, which the tree usually was by that time.
Red would meet him there, here, or anywhere--likely in a coat, hands empty, with his eyes on either the distance or on the tree, or anything to put his attention on while he waited for the connoisseur to arrive. ]
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...You know, I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed every time I look up at this tree--even the giant tree of Pinwheel Forest may have some competition when it comes to judging which tree has the best taste to it.
[It's light conversation that seems to exist simply for the sake of saying something rather than just having a void of silence until Red's ready to talk, but... well, it's true. Whether or not you like the aspect of having a tree that can show your memories, it can't be denied that it is a sight of curiosity worth paying attention to it.]
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Sometimes, I wonder if there's a reason it exist. There's no other tree like it on the island [ none that he's seen, nor any that he's heard of ] and it showed up out of nowhere.
...but you know, there's so much you get to see again because of the petals. There's things you never forget, but when you watch it on a petal- [ he looks to Cilan now, a smile on his face, hands held in front of him for a moment like holding something in them ] -it's like being there again. You can't get that anywhere else.
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