Need to talk privately with Cilan? Send him a message via the crystal or carrier pigeon? Want to meet with him without posting a log for it? Here's the place to do it!
[ On the outside, Red's shoulder nudges back from the contact, just an inch; it barely looks anything's happened, but Red feels the tiny pricks stab at his skin through his clothing, a hand going over the area by reflex as his min isd unsure of how deep that actually went in with how it feels.
He looks, but he does so briefly, and then he's shaking his head and lowering his hand. There's no blood, anyway. ]
[As relieved as he is that Red is unharmed, for some reason his friend's words don't help with his icy condition--no, it causes Cilan to frown as he turns his attention to the ice covering his hand.]
... Mm. I didn't do anything. [...] But that's kind of the problem, isn't it?
[While the icicle spines coming out of his hand doesn't appear to be attempting to spread up the rest of him, they're not leaving yet either and the air around him has allowed a dark, almost purplish tinge to accompany it, though it's not clearly defined or taking shape yet.]
[ He steps in--what that coloured air may do to him doesn't matter, his hands even finding their own place to rest on Cilan's shoulders. If they freeze up, he won't care, his head tilting to meet a face that he can't really see, and doesn't expect to look his way. ]
You couldn't do anything, none of us can. We don't get a choice. Don't blame yourself for nothing you have control over.
[There's no ice, not yet, but Red should certainly feel a chill when coming into contact here.]
Then who do you suppose I should blame, then? [The question comes out a little sharper than intended, but then he shakes his head and sighs tiredly. There's no answer to that question, not really.] Even if I nor anyone or anything else are to blame, it doesn't change the fact that her being gone means she's back in that place again...
[Back to having to live in a world where most people hate and blame someone as kind and wonderful as Sonia is for something she was manipulated into being a part of. How can Cilan not be unhappy about that?]
... Then let's see if there's a way to bring her back. The arehtei... we know they experience some kind of a connection to our worlds when we give them crystals. But no one's ever given them more than a few each person...
If they were given more, and we found out that they can make a way between this world and another... there's plenty of people here from her world.
I don't know... but over time, why wouldn't it be? It has as much chance of being possible as it doesn't.
And if you need to know there's something you can do... it'll take time, but it's there.
[ ...it doesn't make better the fact that she's gone for Cilan, Red's sure, and it's the reason that he moves his arms to go around Cilan, his voice softening against him. ]
You never know, too-- maybe she'll come back one day, and then you can figure it out together. How to go back and forth. She could go to your world, or you could come back here to see her during your travels, and... and you can both be happy. Together.
[ He's warmer than the cold coming off from Cilan, but he has no other heat to other than his normal body temperature, the damp feeling in the air still persisting. For a moment, Red's quiet, until... ]
[That damp feeling, the ice crawling around Cilan's arms, they suddenly become heavier the more he listens to Red's words, and despite the hug, Cilan can't seem to get his arms to lift up to return the hug from the weight of it.
It's a nice idea, a wonderful one really that makes him happy to imagine, but there's a selfish train of thought circling his mind that says he doesn't want "maybe" or "some day", he wants her to be back now, he wants to talk to Sonia again, he wants...
... And then the odd color that had been surrounding Cilan a moment ago changes to a stormier looking color and carries a slight rumble of thunder in the air.]
Don't... you don't have anything to apologize for, Red.
[People come and go from here all the time. Sonia's not the first he's had to feel grief over not being able to see here anymore, she likely won't be the last.]
[ He hears the noise above him, but for the moment he thinks to look, Red doesn't do more than shift his head slightly, and then give up. It doesn't matter that Cilan's hands stay limp; Red tightens his own around him, and he takes in a deep, unsatisfying breath as droplets begin fall from over their heads.
If it was going to storm, then let it storm. ]
You're my friend-- of course I do. You cared about her a lot... she was special. [ Out of anyone else that could have left, she was different. ] I wanna do something, just something to make this better... but I can't. Being sorry is all I've got...
[And then he stops, needing a moment to breathe. To try to remain calmer. Anger can melt ice, but the risk of potentially starting a fire or lightning striking inside the house is absolutely not what he needs right now.]
I don't know what I want, but I know I don't want you to be sorry for something that isn't your fault.
It's a frustrating response to hear, but likely a different sort than Cilan is feeling. He drops his arms, hold weakening, but clinging loosely now onto the back of his shirt, not yet knowing completely if he should move away.
Cilan didn't want him to feel this way for him, but how else was he supposed to feel? What else could he say that would be any good? Behind him, patches of the damp wood of the table turn a burnt colour, losing strength. ]
No. [It's said immediately, it's what finally causes Cilan to move--a hand reaching out to grab one of Red's arms like he's afraid the other's about to leave.]
Please stay, I'm just... [He sighs, and for a moment there's just a few rain drops falling inside the house. Something he'll complain about later, but for now...] ... I'm just tired, that's all. [Tired of being sad, being angry, being anything that isn't how he normally is.] I don't want you to go.
[ There's a small, out-of-place happiness with that, close to relief, that doesn't reach his lips, even though... ]
...Good. I don't want to. [ ...the reason does, stubborn yet low out of his mouth. But then he's quiet, head still tipped towards Cilan's shoulder, fingers sliding to rest better on the back of his shirt. His thoughts try to conjure a semblance of what would be the 'right thing' to say, but all he finds is his words near to repeating-- ]
...I don't want you to go, either. But then...I do, because I know you'd be happier. I've thought about it a lot... You've always wanted to go back.
[ He turns his head inward, even though he doesn't lift his gaze up to Cilan. Just brings it into the direction of his face, though all he sees is furniture in his line of sight, and the side of his other shoulder. ]
[He has. He has always wanted to go back, and that hasn't changed even now. But every time he thinks about leaving this place, he thinks about the friends he would be leaving behind, friends that he might never see again. And that always causes a feeling of guilt to accompany the thought of going home, giving the whole thing a sour taste.
Red sounds like they think he shouldn't have to feel guilty about that. Or at the very least wouldn't be mad at him if he did leave this place.
Slowly, Cilan's arms finally come up and around to properly return the hug that Red had been giving him here. It's still drizzling inside the house, but at least it's not flooding. And Cilan's not ice cold anymore either--just sort of numb, but trying to get back some of the warmth that he normally has.
He's quiet for a long while, before he finally speaks from where he's looking somewhere behind the other boy, still hugging him.]
Thank you, Red. [...] I'm sorry if I've upset you in any way.
[ There's a type of warmth, more comforting than of heat, as Red feels Cilan move in closer as his arms come about him. The water finding itself onto his hair doesn't bother him; it's barely noticeable for him, his face shielded by the tip to it, and the small shift he gives, something that might've mean a shake of his head, doesn't spray any droplets down his face. ]
You didn't. You were mad and upset, but not just for yourself-- I get it. [ He can put aside how he had felt initially when Cilan had rejected his apology. It didn't matter, or wasn't worth repeating. Soaking a little into the moment of being close to his friend like this, it makes the water that does come down onto them dry before it really touch them, helping to fight off the weather--and with better results, should Cilan accept the feeling. ]
Whatever you wanna do, I'll help you. I know I haven't been around much, but you're still my best friend. You make me happy...
[ The words end as if there was more he was going to say, but there's nothing but an actual small bubble of heat this time that comes from his hands, and at his chest. It cools, not sticking -- it was probably just embarrassment, as when he continues, it's slightly less sappy. ]
[There's a slight choking noise--might have been a laugh, might have been a sob, maybe both, but there's an undeniable sort of warmth in it as he hugs Red a little tighter.]
You're my best friend too, Red. [Maybe even the longest lasting friend we've ever had now, but Cilan doesn't add that.] I'm happy enough just having you here with us... and I want to do whatever I can to make my best friend happy too. After all, I'd say that we make a pretty good marriage of flavors together, yeah?
[Cilan might be feeling a little better now, or at least getting there at least, if his weird speech quirk is starting to come back.]
A marriage of them? [ There's a chuckle that comes from hearing that, but then he remembers something, a way that Cilan's used those words before that takes him back, a bit. ]
Do you think so? [ He leans the top of his head against his shoulder, a shy but happy energy mingling with that heat of his. ] You've had a really good marriage in the past.
Mm, indeed we did. [Ash and Iris were the first people he really ever thought of as his "friends", rather than just other titles like "acquaintance" or "colleague" and the like. He's always going to miss them, but he's also proud of them for the determination they had to follow their own paths.
They're gone, Sonia's gone, but... for now, he still has Red, and Bianca, and many other people he's met in this place that make being here a little less lonely.]
And I can see that I have one here, too. I am a Connoisseur after all, so I know a good marriage when I see one.
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He looks, but he does so briefly, and then he's shaking his head and lowering his hand. There's no blood, anyway. ]
It's nothing, you didn't do anything.
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... Mm. I didn't do anything. [...] But that's kind of the problem, isn't it?
[While the icicle spines coming out of his hand doesn't appear to be attempting to spread up the rest of him, they're not leaving yet either and the air around him has allowed a dark, almost purplish tinge to accompany it, though it's not clearly defined or taking shape yet.]
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You couldn't do anything, none of us can. We don't get a choice. Don't blame yourself for nothing you have control over.
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Then who do you suppose I should blame, then? [The question comes out a little sharper than intended, but then he shakes his head and sighs tiredly. There's no answer to that question, not really.] Even if I nor anyone or anything else are to blame, it doesn't change the fact that her being gone means she's back in that place again...
[Back to having to live in a world where most people hate and blame someone as kind and wonderful as Sonia is for something she was manipulated into being a part of. How can Cilan not be unhappy about that?]
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If they were given more, and we found out that they can make a way between this world and another... there's plenty of people here from her world.
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[And yet, the words are helping, it's a hopeful idea that allows the icicles spiking out from his hands and arms to melt and recede a little.]
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And if you need to know there's something you can do... it'll take time, but it's there.
[ ...it doesn't make better the fact that she's gone for Cilan, Red's sure, and it's the reason that he moves his arms to go around Cilan, his voice softening against him. ]
You never know, too-- maybe she'll come back one day, and then you can figure it out together. How to go back and forth. She could go to your world, or you could come back here to see her during your travels, and... and you can both be happy. Together.
[ He's warmer than the cold coming off from Cilan, but he has no other heat to other than his normal body temperature, the damp feeling in the air still persisting. For a moment, Red's quiet, until... ]
...I'm sorry.
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It's a nice idea, a wonderful one really that makes him happy to imagine, but there's a selfish train of thought circling his mind that says he doesn't want "maybe" or "some day", he wants her to be back now, he wants to talk to Sonia again, he wants...
... And then the odd color that had been surrounding Cilan a moment ago changes to a stormier looking color and carries a slight rumble of thunder in the air.]
Don't... you don't have anything to apologize for, Red.
[People come and go from here all the time. Sonia's not the first he's had to feel grief over not being able to see here anymore, she likely won't be the last.]
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If it was going to storm, then let it storm. ]
You're my friend-- of course I do. You cared about her a lot... she was special. [ Out of anyone else that could have left, she was different. ] I wanna do something, just something to make this better... but I can't. Being sorry is all I've got...
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[And then he stops, needing a moment to breathe. To try to remain calmer. Anger can melt ice, but the risk of potentially starting a fire or lightning striking inside the house is absolutely not what he needs right now.]
I don't know what I want, but I know I don't want you to be sorry for something that isn't your fault.
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It's a frustrating response to hear, but likely a different sort than Cilan is feeling. He drops his arms, hold weakening, but clinging loosely now onto the back of his shirt, not yet knowing completely if he should move away.
Cilan didn't want him to feel this way for him, but how else was he supposed to feel? What else could he say that would be any good? Behind him, patches of the damp wood of the table turn a burnt colour, losing strength. ]
...Do you want me to go?
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Please stay, I'm just... [He sighs, and for a moment there's just a few rain drops falling inside the house. Something he'll complain about later, but for now...] ... I'm just tired, that's all. [Tired of being sad, being angry, being anything that isn't how he normally is.] I don't want you to go.
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...Good. I don't want to. [ ...the reason does, stubborn yet low out of his mouth. But then he's quiet, head still tipped towards Cilan's shoulder, fingers sliding to rest better on the back of his shirt. His thoughts try to conjure a semblance of what would be the 'right thing' to say, but all he finds is his words near to repeating-- ]
...I don't want you to go, either. But then...I do, because I know you'd be happier. I've thought about it a lot... You've always wanted to go back.
[ He turns his head inward, even though he doesn't lift his gaze up to Cilan. Just brings it into the direction of his face, though all he sees is furniture in his line of sight, and the side of his other shoulder. ]
If you get the choice... just go. Alright?
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Red sounds like they think he shouldn't have to feel guilty about that. Or at the very least wouldn't be mad at him if he did leave this place.
Slowly, Cilan's arms finally come up and around to properly return the hug that Red had been giving him here. It's still drizzling inside the house, but at least it's not flooding. And Cilan's not ice cold anymore either--just sort of numb, but trying to get back some of the warmth that he normally has.
He's quiet for a long while, before he finally speaks from where he's looking somewhere behind the other boy, still hugging him.]
Thank you, Red. [...] I'm sorry if I've upset you in any way.
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You didn't. You were mad and upset, but not just for yourself-- I get it. [ He can put aside how he had felt initially when Cilan had rejected his apology. It didn't matter, or wasn't worth repeating. Soaking a little into the moment of being close to his friend like this, it makes the water that does come down onto them dry before it really touch them, helping to fight off the weather--and with better results, should Cilan accept the feeling. ]
Whatever you wanna do, I'll help you. I know I haven't been around much, but you're still my best friend. You make me happy...
[ The words end as if there was more he was going to say, but there's nothing but an actual small bubble of heat this time that comes from his hands, and at his chest. It cools, not sticking -- it was probably just embarrassment, as when he continues, it's slightly less sappy. ]
I want to make you happy too.
[ Slightly less. ]
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You're my best friend too, Red. [Maybe even the longest lasting friend we've ever had now, but Cilan doesn't add that.] I'm happy enough just having you here with us... and I want to do whatever I can to make my best friend happy too. After all, I'd say that we make a pretty good marriage of flavors together, yeah?
[Cilan might be feeling a little better now, or at least getting there at least, if his weird speech quirk is starting to come back.]
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Do you think so? [ He leans the top of his head against his shoulder, a shy but happy energy mingling with that heat of his. ] You've had a really good marriage in the past.
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They're gone, Sonia's gone, but... for now, he still has Red, and Bianca, and many other people he's met in this place that make being here a little less lonely.]
And I can see that I have one here, too. I am a Connoisseur after all, so I know a good marriage when I see one.