Need to talk privately with Cilan? Send him a message via the crystal or carrier pigeon? Want to meet with him without posting a log for it? Here's the place to do it!
As you know, Hinata-san, Komaeda-san and I are classmates. That is not entirely true, however. We all attended a very prestigious school in a country called Japan that scouted high school aged teenagers for their talents. Because the school was interested in those talents, studying them and trying to quantify them so that they could be reproduced in others. Komaeda-san's talent is Luck. Mine is being the epitome of a princess. Kirigiri-san's is being a detective.
Even Junko Enoshima has a talent. She is both the Ultimate Fashionista and Ultimate Despair.
[She takes a deep breath before continuing on. This is much harder than she ever imagined it being, but it's the right thing to do.]
In the end, the fifteen members of my class were lonely people all shunted together because we had talents that Hope's Peak wished to utilize. Of course, we were all guaranteed success in our chosen fields after we graduated, so it was an honor to attend.
I don't actually remember attending the school or graduating or making friends in my year or the years below or above. All of those memories were taken from myself and my classmates by an organization calling itself the Future Foundation. We were rounded up, had our memories erased and then taken to an island for rehabilitation.
[Her arms come around her middle and she holds herself to keep from shaking. The words come out of her mouth, but she's so disconnected from them, so ready for this to be over that she can't stop now that she's started.]
We needed to be rehabilitated because we'd joined Enoshima-san in becoming Ultimate Despair and destroying nearly everything about our world for the sake of despair. Countries, governments, organizations, society as a whole was nearly wiped out by a group of high school students with enough malice and connections and patience to use what the academy was doing against them.
I... I don't know exactly what we actually did. The details were never given to us, but Enoshima-san has confirmed some of what I learned. There is a high probability that my parents and my nation are gone and that I am responsible for it. I fear that it's worse than that. That I am a monster who has no memory of being so but deserves to be put down anyway.
[She raises a hand to bat at the tears that have started to fall. Feeling sorry for herself won't change anything and serves no purpose.]
It is dangerous to be my friend, Cilan-san. Extremely dangerous.
[... Just when Cilan thought he couldn't dislike Junko Enoshima anymore than he was already capable of, it turns out she manages to prove herself yet again: he can already feel the shudder of ice crawling up his skin just at the mention of her name when it comes up, an immediate sign that what Sonia is going to say is not going to be pleasant.
But, he lets Sonia keep talking without interruption, and as he listens, that feeling of disgust he has for Junko Enoshima wanes slightly, or rather, is over-powered by a very different emotion, one that causes him to reach out and take Sonia's hands in his own. He doesn't say anything though, not right away, but there's a small warmth here that she might be able to feel, perhaps an attempt at providing comfort before he does finally speak.]
This might be strange to hear me say, but... I'm really proud of you, Sonia. It must have taken a lot of courage to confide in me about this, and... I'm really happy, to be considered worthy of your trust.
[But then his expression falters a little, looking down at their hands rather than her face.]
... Before I tell you the rest of my thoughts on this, may I ask you something? You said that you might have done terrible things, but you don't remember them... even so, despite not remembering the actions you've taken, do you regret that those things happened nonetheless?
[She didn't really do this so that Cilan would hate Junko. No, she knows that he deserves to know about her, both as a way to protect himself and to give him the chance to decide if he wants to continue being around her. She would respect his decision either way, but to see that he isn't backing away in horror is a bit of a relief.
When he takes her hands, she can feel both the attempt to comfort her and something else that she can't quite name. It helps her to look up at him, just in time to miss his eyes as he stares at their joined hands and catch the expression on his face. She expected something terrible, but he's being so kind, so understanding that even his questions sting less than she'd hoped.]
Do I regret them? Yes, of course I do! We all do. I feel sick when I think about all of the things that might have happened, that I could have done. Not remembering them doesn't make them any less my fault, my responsibility.
I can't take them back, undo them. However, I will do everything in my power to avoid repeating them as well.
Mm, I see... [There's a bit of a pause, and then Cilan smiles, looking up to meet Sonia's eyes.]
While it might be true that you did terrible things alongside Junko Enoshima, there is one thing I can say for sure: you are not the same as her. [There's a strong amount of emphasis on those words, even as he continues.] Junko is someone that doesn't regret the pain that she inflicts on others, and has no desire to stop doing so. The fact that you recognize these wrongs and are willing to do what it takes in order to prevent them from happening again shows that, as a person, you have a stronger, more mature flavor than Junko will ever have.
And as much as we'd all like to change some aspects of our past, it can't be done. What we can do, however, is strive to face another day and prevent the same mistakes from happening again. I'm not going to say that you should ignore what you are unable to remember and pretend that it never happened, but... don't torture yourself with the guilt of those lost memories either. Don't call yourself a monster that deserves to be put down for something that you can't remember doing.
[Because that, that just hurts to hear Sonia say such a thing, enough so that the air around them here may begin to feel damp here from as of yet unshed tears.]
I know it hasn't been very long since we first met, but I can happily say that you're one my dearest friends: not only are you an enjoyable person to talk to and spend time with, you're thoughtful and caring of others, as well as being intelligent in matters that even I lack experience with.
[Cilan almost never does this, not without asking first or without the other person initiating first, but after a brief second of hesitation, Cilan reaches out to give her a hug. Not too tight, not too loose, just enough to show that it's a friendly hug that Sonia is free to pull away or reject if she wishes. He'll respect whatever reaction she has to it here.]
As such... it's quite saddening really, hearing someone that I admire fondly refer to herself in such a manner.
[Most of what he says is so much what she wants to hear from someone that she can't really believe it's real, not until his arms come around her in a hug. The last few hugs she's had have been initiated by herself, except for that one from Nanami-san the day before. A part of her screams that she doesn't deserve his understanding, his kindness, his friendship, but she's also just selfish enough to desire it all the more.]
I'm sorry to have hurt you, Cilan-san. That isn't what I wanted to do by telling you all of this. I wanted to spare you pain and...
Enoshima-san will try to hurt me and the others and she isn't shy about using those around us to do so. I don't want her to use you.
[She pulls back, tears still falling despite her wish that they'd stop.]
I don't want her anywhere near you. Or Red-san. Or near anyone else here that has been kind and good to me since my arrival. You're all such good, kind people and she's...awful.
Cilan-san, it is not too late to distance yourself from me for your own protection. I wouldn't blame you for doing so. I would understand.
[Saying that hurts more than she can even express and a sharp, cold breeze blows by, reeking of pain and loneliness.]
I'm going to have to turn you down on that offer of distancing ourselves: I hate losing, you see, and I would think that severing our companionship would be considered a win for her, in that regard. She's already tried before to cause several of us to taste despair here, and I refuse to let this be what entices me to consider the validity of this flavor for even a second.
['Cause, uh... the truth is, Cilan's actually familiar with Junko enough to know what she's like. In fact, back when he was possessed... actually no, that's a story for another time, maybe--]
If you're about my safety, I promise that you don't have to be: my Pokemon and I are strong enough to withstand any opponent that threatens our happiness, as well as protect those that we care for... and that includes you. If Miss Junko ever tries to bring harm to you, I'll do everything within my power to prevent that from happening!
[Sonia can't help the watery smile that cuts through her pain. Although, she hates that Junko has tried to hurt someone so kind and good like Cilan. It's not the first time for her former friend, but it angers Sonia anyway.
But she's not sure that he understands exactly what he's saying just then. Though, she can't help the speeding of her heartbeat, which sounds like low-key, tinkling charms.]
You would stand up for me? And protect me from Enoshima-san and others? You would be my champion?
Then, I suppose I should give you a token of my favor.
[And before she can overthink things, she leans over and kisses his cheek.]
[For a moment, Cilan's face actually turns red and... oh god, why are our usual shoujo sparkles and bubbles when nice things happen shaped like hearts now--]
[And so, he tries to discreetly will them away or at least make them change shape to what they normally look like when Sonia steps back from him, though his face is still pink and no amount of bright happy smiling can hide that.]
Ah, you didn't have to do that, Sonia! I would have been more than happy to look out for you regardless...
[We're so calm, isn't it amazing how calm we are about this right now??]
[Sonia's appreciative sparkles are everywhere. They are large and bright? And are her eyes shaped like sparkles too? Yes, they might just be. She's wearing an extremely pleased smile on her own blushing face and the air is full of good, warm feelings that are probably obviously affection and admiration.]
But I wanted to, Cilan-san. You have offered to champion for me against my enemies. That makes you my knight. And it is both my duty and my pleasure to show you my favor. There is no one else that I can think of that I would rather have do that for me.
"why are they so cute", I ask myself for the millionth time...
I see... [And now, Cilan actually does feel as calm as he was pretending to be at hearing Sonia say that, though that doesn't stop his own sparkles from being bright and appreciative.
And despite the blush, he manages a pleased, affectionate smile of his own.]
In that case, I consider it an honor to receive your favor, and I shall do my absolute best to be a proper knight for you, my dear princess.
[... Is it okay for him to say that? That's not too embarrassing, is it? Should he come up with a different title for her??]
Edited 2016-07-23 04:16 (UTC)
I think a better question to ask is "How are they so cute?"
[She is so happy right now that she's sure she will burst from it, and the pounding of her heart actually sounds like the tinkling of glass, audible for probably everyone in about ten kilometers to hear.
His declaration gets a startled, pleased laugh out of her.]
You don't have to do anything differently, Cilan-san. [She reaches over to take one of his hands.] You've been wonderful already.
[Despite her tears making her look a little blotchy, she hasn't felt so relieved and happy for a while. She squeezes his hand.]
I will keep you in mind should I require anything, Cilan-san. That is part of naming a champion, after all. However, I ask that you do the same. If there is anything that you need help with, I am at your disposal.
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[action] - SDR2 Spoilers
As you know, Hinata-san, Komaeda-san and I are classmates. That is not entirely true, however. We all attended a very prestigious school in a country called Japan that scouted high school aged teenagers for their talents. Because the school was interested in those talents, studying them and trying to quantify them so that they could be reproduced in others. Komaeda-san's talent is Luck. Mine is being the epitome of a princess. Kirigiri-san's is being a detective.
Even Junko Enoshima has a talent. She is both the Ultimate Fashionista and Ultimate Despair.
[She takes a deep breath before continuing on. This is much harder than she ever imagined it being, but it's the right thing to do.]
In the end, the fifteen members of my class were lonely people all shunted together because we had talents that Hope's Peak wished to utilize. Of course, we were all guaranteed success in our chosen fields after we graduated, so it was an honor to attend.
I don't actually remember attending the school or graduating or making friends in my year or the years below or above. All of those memories were taken from myself and my classmates by an organization calling itself the Future Foundation. We were rounded up, had our memories erased and then taken to an island for rehabilitation.
[Her arms come around her middle and she holds herself to keep from shaking. The words come out of her mouth, but she's so disconnected from them, so ready for this to be over that she can't stop now that she's started.]
We needed to be rehabilitated because we'd joined Enoshima-san in becoming Ultimate Despair and destroying nearly everything about our world for the sake of despair. Countries, governments, organizations, society as a whole was nearly wiped out by a group of high school students with enough malice and connections and patience to use what the academy was doing against them.
I... I don't know exactly what we actually did. The details were never given to us, but Enoshima-san has confirmed some of what I learned. There is a high probability that my parents and my nation are gone and that I am responsible for it. I fear that it's worse than that. That I am a monster who has no memory of being so but deserves to be put down anyway.
[She raises a hand to bat at the tears that have started to fall. Feeling sorry for herself won't change anything and serves no purpose.]
It is dangerous to be my friend, Cilan-san. Extremely dangerous.
[action] - SDR2 Spoilers
But, he lets Sonia keep talking without interruption, and as he listens, that feeling of disgust he has for Junko Enoshima wanes slightly, or rather, is over-powered by a very different emotion, one that causes him to reach out and take Sonia's hands in his own. He doesn't say anything though, not right away, but there's a small warmth here that she might be able to feel, perhaps an attempt at providing comfort before he does finally speak.]
This might be strange to hear me say, but... I'm really proud of you, Sonia. It must have taken a lot of courage to confide in me about this, and... I'm really happy, to be considered worthy of your trust.
[But then his expression falters a little, looking down at their hands rather than her face.]
... Before I tell you the rest of my thoughts on this, may I ask you something? You said that you might have done terrible things, but you don't remember them... even so, despite not remembering the actions you've taken, do you regret that those things happened nonetheless?
[action] - SDR2 Spoilers
When he takes her hands, she can feel both the attempt to comfort her and something else that she can't quite name. It helps her to look up at him, just in time to miss his eyes as he stares at their joined hands and catch the expression on his face. She expected something terrible, but he's being so kind, so understanding that even his questions sting less than she'd hoped.]
Do I regret them? Yes, of course I do! We all do. I feel sick when I think about all of the things that might have happened, that I could have done. Not remembering them doesn't make them any less my fault, my responsibility.
I can't take them back, undo them. However, I will do everything in my power to avoid repeating them as well.
[action] - SDR2 Spoilers
While it might be true that you did terrible things alongside Junko Enoshima, there is one thing I can say for sure: you are not the same as her. [There's a strong amount of emphasis on those words, even as he continues.] Junko is someone that doesn't regret the pain that she inflicts on others, and has no desire to stop doing so. The fact that you recognize these wrongs and are willing to do what it takes in order to prevent them from happening again shows that, as a person, you have a stronger, more mature flavor than Junko will ever have.
And as much as we'd all like to change some aspects of our past, it can't be done. What we can do, however, is strive to face another day and prevent the same mistakes from happening again. I'm not going to say that you should ignore what you are unable to remember and pretend that it never happened, but... don't torture yourself with the guilt of those lost memories either. Don't call yourself a monster that deserves to be put down for something that you can't remember doing.
[Because that, that just hurts to hear Sonia say such a thing, enough so that the air around them here may begin to feel damp here from as of yet unshed tears.]
I know it hasn't been very long since we first met, but I can happily say that you're one my dearest friends: not only are you an enjoyable person to talk to and spend time with, you're thoughtful and caring of others, as well as being intelligent in matters that even I lack experience with.
[Cilan almost never does this, not without asking first or without the other person initiating first, but after a brief second of hesitation, Cilan reaches out to give her a hug. Not too tight, not too loose, just enough to show that it's a friendly hug that Sonia is free to pull away or reject if she wishes. He'll respect whatever reaction she has to it here.]
As such... it's quite saddening really, hearing someone that I admire fondly refer to herself in such a manner.
[action] - SDR2 Spoilers
I'm sorry to have hurt you, Cilan-san. That isn't what I wanted to do by telling you all of this. I wanted to spare you pain and...
Enoshima-san will try to hurt me and the others and she isn't shy about using those around us to do so. I don't want her to use you.
[She pulls back, tears still falling despite her wish that they'd stop.]
I don't want her anywhere near you. Or Red-san. Or near anyone else here that has been kind and good to me since my arrival. You're all such good, kind people and she's...awful.
Cilan-san, it is not too late to distance yourself from me for your own protection. I wouldn't blame you for doing so. I would understand.
[Saying that hurts more than she can even express and a sharp, cold breeze blows by, reeking of pain and loneliness.]
I wouldn't blame you.
[action] - SDR2 Spoilers
I'm going to have to turn you down on that offer of distancing ourselves: I hate losing, you see, and I would think that severing our companionship would be considered a win for her, in that regard. She's already tried before to cause several of us to taste despair here, and I refuse to let this be what entices me to consider the validity of this flavor for even a second.
['Cause, uh... the truth is, Cilan's actually familiar with Junko enough to know what she's like. In fact, back when he was possessed... actually no, that's a story for another time, maybe--]
If you're about my safety, I promise that you don't have to be: my Pokemon and I are strong enough to withstand any opponent that threatens our happiness, as well as protect those that we care for... and that includes you. If Miss Junko ever tries to bring harm to you, I'll do everything within my power to prevent that from happening!
[action] - SDR2 Spoilers
But she's not sure that he understands exactly what he's saying just then. Though, she can't help the speeding of her heartbeat, which sounds like low-key, tinkling charms.]
You would stand up for me? And protect me from Enoshima-san and others? You would be my champion?
Then, I suppose I should give you a token of my favor.
[And before she can overthink things, she leans over and kisses his cheek.]
[action] - SDR2 Spoilers 1/2
Huh?
[Did she just--oh my god.]
no wait I lied, it's 2/3
okay we're done
Ah, you didn't have to do that, Sonia! I would have been more than happy to look out for you regardless...
[We're so calm, isn't it amazing how calm we are about this right now??]
/screams forever in happiness
But I wanted to, Cilan-san. You have offered to champion for me against my enemies. That makes you my knight. And it is both my duty and my pleasure to show you my favor. There is no one else that I can think of that I would rather have do that for me.
"why are they so cute", I ask myself for the millionth time...
And despite the blush, he manages a pleased, affectionate smile of his own.]
In that case, I consider it an honor to receive your favor, and I shall do my absolute best to be a proper knight for you, my dear princess.
[... Is it okay for him to say that? That's not too embarrassing, is it? Should he come up with a different title for her??]
I think a better question to ask is "How are they so cute?"
His declaration gets a startled, pleased laugh out of her.]
You don't have to do anything differently, Cilan-san. [She reaches over to take one of his hands.] You've been wonderful already.
it's a mystery
[... There's something he kind of wants to do here, but for now, he allows Sonia to take his hand, and places his other hand over-top of hers.]
If there's anything you need of us, please don't hesitate to ask, okay?
But is it a Poké mystery?
I will keep you in mind should I require anything, Cilan-san. That is part of naming a champion, after all. However, I ask that you do the same. If there is anything that you need help with, I am at your disposal.